Horoscopes

Day 9

Aries: Are you frightened? You should be! Your stars are moving, and there's nothing you can do about it. Well, almost nothing: try bidding 1NT with balanced hands in your agreed point range, and I think you'll be pleasantly surprised.

Taurus: No, no, no, no, no! You can't double your own partner's bids. It's the rules and no amount of arguing will change that.

Gemini: 3NTX= turns out not to be a great score, because you have a cold 6

contract on. And the less said about your club lead, the better...

Cancer: They say that fortune favours the brave. And you should take courage from the fact that your stars are lining up with those of Sagittarius to create a super criss-cross squeeze position. You should therefore grab the offered bramble leaf of opportunity with both hands and so prove your bravery. Ouch.

Leo: Bridge and politics mix like vodka and orange: politics is fine on it's own, but it's the ethanol tang of vodka that I crave right now.

Virgo: No-one blames you for the sad defeat at the hands of our bitterest rivals. Anyone can revoke. Mis-sorting your hand happens sometimes. 2

openings out of turn are costly, sure, but we all do that from time to time. And a string of 1100s on part score hands? Well I, for one, will admit to occasionally going for a big penalty. Nope, I don't think the defeat is your fault at all...

Libra: After studying the stars for some time, I've decided to not bother with a horoscope for you today. I'm reading the paper and then later I'll maybe catch the England game on Vu-graph.

Scorpio: There is a time for everything under the sun. A time to ruff and a time to discard, a time to lead from length and a time to lead shortages, a time to psyche and a time to bid straight. The problem for you, dear reader, is finding the right time for these things.

Sagittarius: "twinkle, twinkle little star, how I wonder what you are." Well, a star. And a little one to boot. Too simple, really.

Capricorn: A shorter club committee meeting this month will leave you feeling unsatisfied. Did you really get through everything that needed discussion in under two hours? Are the club members really not causing as many problems as they used to, or has the committee simply stopped caring? Clearly this is a point for discussion at next month's meeting!

Aquarius: You are about to curse the duplimate machine for yet another absurdly distributed hand when you realise that this evening's game was hand dealt. It's only on Wednesday nights when you can blame your rotten scores on the computer.

Pisces: Club car park full? On a Monday? Your Sherlock Holmes style detective work leads you to conclude there is a match on at the club in addition to the regular game. Good job you turned up to the regular game, really, or your team-mates would have been pretty miffed at being a man short.