Day 1 Day 2 Day 3 Day 4 Day 5 Day 6 Day 7 Day 8 Day 9 Day 10 Day 11 Day 12 Day 13 Day 14 Day 15 Day 16 Day 17 Day 18 Day 19 Day 20 Day 21 Day 22 Day 23 Day 24 Day 25 Day 26 Day 27 Day 28 Day 29 Day 30 Day 31 Day 32 Day 33 Day 34 Day 35 Day 36 Day 37 Day 38 Day 39 Day 40 Day 41 Day 42 Day 43 Day 44 Day 45 Day 46 Day 47 Day 48 Day 49 Day 50 Day 51 Day 52 Day 53 Day 54 Day 55 Day 56 Day 57 Day 58 Day 59

Aries: The man who installed your internet broadband will turn up to the club for the first time on Thursday, and you realise that the tables have been turned: he understands bridge about as well as you understand the whole internet thingy.

Taurus: The first three cards dealt to you on the first hand of your Saturday night rubber game, you realise, are all aces. What are the odds, you think? Well (4/52)*(3/51)*(2/50), or 0.018%.

Gemini: Partner wants you to be something that you are not, and matters will come to a head when old baggage is laid out on the table. And this seems to help you see things from partner's point of view: your habit of singing the national anthem at the table probably is annoying.

Cancer: Life is good for you right now: you haven't lost a match or scored less that 50% at the local club for six weeks! I'm afraid things will start to go less well next week when your partner's six week trip to Australia is over and you actually play again.

Leo: Your name will be spelled incorrectly on the results sheet for the second time in as many weeks. This is not deliberate on the part of the scorer; your hand writing really is that bad.

Virgo: A survey of your club reveals that the average age of members is 71 years, and the average player has been playing for 32 years. That makes you young and inexperienced. This can be contrasted with your love life, in which you are merely inexperienced.

Libra: The fact that a precision 1 opening would have worked out really well on this deal does not give you a license to deliberately mis-bid the hand just to try to get partner to take up that system. And you could have easily bid the slam anyway.

Scorpio: Your pretend obsession with chocolate cheesecake should probably be dropped from your comedy routine. It was funny to start with, but now it's kind of unnerving and just a bit weird. And you are not a stand up comic anyway.

Sagittarius: The answer to the play problem on board 14 is staring you in the face. Staring at you! And you can't work it out. Hahahaha.

Capricorn: Play bridge this week and you'll have a miserable time losing. Stay away from the bridge table and you'll have a miserable time sitting at home watching TV. If only you were a Leo — then things would be so much better.

Aquarius: As the moon passes though Saturn, and the North Star's trajectory takes it past the Bull, all aces will be well placed. So overbid to slam on Wednesday and Thursday. But don't overdo it — it's only aces that will be well placed!

Pisces: Just who do you think you are? You swan into the club every night, cock a hoot and demand that you have 'your' seat at the table by the bar. You are Mark Williamson, and I'm on to you.