Day 1 Day 2 Day 3 Day 4 Day 5 Day 6 Day 7 Day 8 Day 9 Day 10 Day 11 Day 12 Day 13 Day 14 Day 15 Day 16 Day 17 Day 18 Day 19 Day 20 Day 21 Day 22 Day 23 Day 24 Day 25 Day 26 Day 27 Day 28 Day 29 Day 30 Day 31 Day 32 Day 33 Day 34 Day 35 Day 36 Day 37 Day 38 Day 39 Day 40 Day 41 Day 42 Day 43 Day 44 Day 45 Day 46 Day 47 Day 48 Day 49 Day 50 Day 51 Day 52 Day 53 Day 54 Day 55 Day 56 Day 57 Day 58 Day 59

Aries: Why do you keep trying so hard? Do you think you're ever going to make it in this game? Just give up, admit your shortcomings and stop embarrassing yourself! You playing for the club C team is about as likely as Abdul Alhazred getting to the top of the bestsellers list.

Taurus: You will realise that your post-mortems have started to be filled with Simpsons quotes rather than actual bridge analysis. Ah! Better that way, I think.

Gemini: While wondering how to make 4 on board 5, you will suddenly remember an opinion piece in a newspaper about how great it was to blow people up with missiles. Now you're wondering, where exactly did you read it?

Cancer: Given the choice, it is clear that you would rather be eating meat than playing bridge. Lots and lots of steak, roast chicken, grilled pork chops and legs of lamb. Hmmmm, with all that meat about, is it any wonder that so few people are playing bridge anymore? And that those how do play are so trim looking...

Leo: You will decide to stop playing bridge for a while as you are frustrated with the game. Sadly, you will realise that you are on directing duty next week and decide to not stop playing after all. That's what comes with responsibility!

Virgo: The straw that will break the camel's back will turn out to be partner mistaking 4 for Gerber — again! So another partnership dissolves. Gerber — is there anything it's good for?

Libra: After a long week wondering what you should be doing with your life, you will decide to do whatever your astrologer tells you to do. I'd tell you to stop playing precision as you clearly don't understand it! But I'm not your astrologer so much as a humorist (allegedly) so I guess you will learn that it's a good time to keep a close eye on your finances, and you should be adventurous and try something new.

Scorpio: You will have a crazy dream tonight about goblins and flying concordes. It will signify the following: your discards are all wrong — use something partner can follow (that's the goblins) and you will have a great success in the county teams next year, so remember to enter it by the end of the month!

Sagittarius: With a hand like mine you'd be folding. Only we're playing bridge not poker, and this balanced three count must be played out...

Capricorn: As another year slips past you, try to remember the good times — 'cos if you can't remember them now, you'll have real trouble in five years time.

Aquarius: You will start to think that lady luck is not a lady so much as a filthy whore when your apparently cold game goes off on an immediate ruff. Why didn't lefty open his six card suit? If you failed to call with such a hand, you would certainly miss a good sacrifice!

Pisces: You find yourself playing just one more rubber on Friday night, even though it is already well past midnight. Similarly, you will smoke just one cigarette on Saturday and then realise that you have an addictive personality.