Day 1 Day 2 Day 3 Day 4 Day 5 Day 6 Day 7 Day 8 Day 9 Day 10 Day 11 Day 12 Day 13 Day 14 Day 15 Day 16 Day 17 Day 18 Day 19 Day 20 Day 21 Day 22 Day 23 Day 24 Day 25 Day 26 Day 27 Day 28 Day 29 Day 30 Day 31 Day 32 Day 33 Day 34 Day 35 Day 36 Day 37 Day 38 Day 39 Day 40 Day 41 Day 42 Day 43 Day 44 Day 45 Day 46 Day 47 Day 48 Day 49 Day 50 Day 51 Day 52 Day 53 Day 54 Day 55 Day 56 Day 57 Day 58 Day 59

Aries: Tomorrow will be a good day. The sun will shine and all your guesswork will turn out well. It's a pity that the cup final is today, really.

Taurus: When looking for a new partner, there is more to consider than merely whether or not they play coded 10 and 9 leads. There is more to consider than the strength of their preferred no-trump opening range. The stars are strongly suggesting that you consider their body mass index. When you get an offer of a game on Tuesday night, you will see why this advice is important.

Gemini: Let some things remain mysterious. That's all partner will have to say about his ill-fated diamond switch on Monday night. You will feel cheated by this response, mostly because you wish you could think of that kind of response to cover your mistakes.

Cancer: The regulars at your local club have started to use the adjective 'Amazing' in conjunction with your bridge play. Sadly this sense of the word 'amazing' is not complimentary.

Leo: "A colleague's words will inspire you today." When you read this in your horoscope you desperately hope that the colleague in question isn't Mrs Thompson, who has been calling for you to be banned from the club for the last three years.

Virgo: "She plays well, for a girl." I heard you say this and I think it explains why you don't have a girlfriend.

Libra: Once again the ludicrously high handicap of Bob and Jacquie will mean that you fail to win the Tuesday night event. It may be time to work on manipulating your handicap in the upwards direction: five swift vodkas before the start of each evening should do the trick.

Scorpio: Do not play bridge with your wife. After it all goes wrong, she goes to bed and gets a good night's sleep while I say up writing up the poorbridge of the week, followed by some horoscope.

Sagittarius: Today should signal the beginning of a new era for you: romantically, financially and at the bridge table. I say should — we aren't miracle workers you know.

Capricorn: There is a lot of cosmic energy in Capricorn at the moment, and this results in your gradually getting more and more wound up as the week goes by. This would therefore be a good time to take up jogging, football or anything else that will stop you throwing bricks through your neighbours' windows.

Aquarius: If it isn't broke then don't fix it; Horses for courses; Look after the pennies and the pounds will look after themselves. Today's horoscope is actually just catchphrases stitched together.

Pisces: Other people will find you charming, attractive and funny today. You will be able to judge the partscore perfectly, figure out the opposing distribution early in the hand, remember partner's signals and execute a compound squeeze. If only you hadn't locked yourself in the bathroom.