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Horoscopes


Day 17

Aries: Today's ratings are as follows. Love: 3/5 Money: 2/5 Work: 4/5 Style: 3/5 Probability of making 4S on board 18 tonight: 2/5.

Taurus: Don't even think about playing your usual Transfer Oriented Symmetric Relay system for the one board you play opposite your regular partner in tonight's individual. The embarrassment when you forget the responses will be far greater than normal.

Gemini: From today you will start calling the C5 the cucumber, the C6 the horse and the C8 the pickle jar. This will at least liven up the business of calling cards from dummy.

Cancer: Why do you want me to tell you how to play board 3? What do you think I am — a fortune teller or something? Oh, yeah. Err, start by drawing trumps...

Leo: Today is the dawn of a new era in your bridge playing career. Does this mean you'll stop making strong jump shifts on balanced hands? No, you just won't care so much from now on.

Virgo: The stars are a little hazy today. Your lucky card is either the S3 or the H7. This will lead to some long tanks as you ponder your opening leads

Libra: At the club AGM you will realise that there are a number of club executive officers who you've never seen before. Do they actually play bridge, or just like organising things?

Scorpio: Your doctor will instruct you to get more exercise in the future. I guess this means you will be sitting East-West next week.

Sagittarius: Take note: the maxim 'two out of three ain't bad' does not hold true when you could have taken all three of the last tricks by simply drawing the last trump and then cashing the established clubs.

Capricorn: Internal club politics is the reason that you're playing on the club's C team in the league. It has nothing to do with your habit of making aggressive doubles of making part scores.

Aquarius: There will be a long and pointless argument about something that doesn't matter at the club AGM on Tuesday, which will also feature a financial report, a pointless statement from the chair and some prize-giving. So why do you feel the need to attend? It's the free game of bridge afterwards, right?!

Pisces: Relegation to the club second team for the Sunday league match will leave you feeling annoyed. And when the first team lose, you will feel better, knowing that they should have picked you all along. There wasn't much you could do about the second team's 15-5 defeat anyway.