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Horoscopes


Day 39

Aries: Is it wrong to be angry, you ask? Why are the hands loaded against you? Is it because you don't know the odds, or that you simply refuse to do what you know to be the right thing in favour of some crazy but fun line that can only work out if others get it wrong? Who is it that should be angry in any event?

Taurus: According to the cookie monster, C is for cookie. There are other things it might stand for, of course, but innocence should be cherished. Crap convention wouldn't scan in the song anyway.

Gemini: Drinking alone again? Join the club! AA meetings can be found all over the country.

Cancer: Some things you simply must have — like washing up liquid in the kitchen, toilet paper in the loo, and transfers on the convention card. When these things are not to be found, bad things happen...

Leo: Two steps forward are often followed by one step back. This would mean you are moving forward, gradually, but sadly the steps are not of equal size and the reality is that you are moving back.

Virgo: Would you be happier if all your earthly possessions fitted into one suitcase? Would you have had to sell a life-time's worth of purchases to achieve it? Baggage, like unused conventions, can be shed as well as added...

Libra: In a multiple choice test there is usually one answer that is obviously wrong. Which is a lot like your lead of the Queen of diamonds from AQ doubleton.

Scorpio: Under pressure, it's easy to do the wrong thing, and get even simple things wrong. This may explain my poor play in slam contracts. It doesn't, however, explain your tendency to reverse on 12 counts.

Sagittarius: The fact that you don't open 1NT with balanced 12-14 point hands is not your bridge teacher's fault. It's your fault for not sorting your hand before opening the bidding.

Capricorn: I reckon that you'd do a lot better if you paid attention to what was going on. This relates as much to your wife's shopping instructions as noticing which suit partner led.

Aquarius: To improve your bridge scores, try not to get distracted at the table. One way of doing this would be to stop playing with Sam who, judging from where your eyes point most of the time, is clearly a major distraction for you.

Pisces: If I don't pick you for the cup team, I'm not being sexist. The reality is that other people play better than you do. And they try harder, too.