I don't know what I did wrong in another life but it's come back to haunt
me. Somewhere along the line I felt sorry for the Nymph of Darkness and
agreed to do some coaching with her. To be fair, she's become quite a
respectable player and after the coaching sessions on Friday evening we play
in the IMPs room on BCL! against "the usual suspects". Now and then,
however, she produces a play that leaves me breathless, astonished and
usually curled up on the floor weeping. It's not a problem, I fine her in
Essex girl life-support items, and have a warehouse full of lime green thigh-length PVC boots, mascara, glitter, handbags, skinny t-shirts etc that she's
had to pay me over the years. Indeed to set the matter straight she had a
decent session with her dad in a recent sim and I let her have some items
back, thankfully. The storage charges were crippling me.
I set the scene. We're playing against a seriously strong pair, in this case
a husband and wife from Oslo, at about one in the morning and the Nymph
picks up
8 3
7 6
3 2
A J 10 8 6 4 2 and hears a 1
opener on her right. Being at favourable she bids 4
, knowing that I won't mind this and then she hears 6
on her left. I think for a moment and bid 7
, looking at 1400 against 1430
and a certain amount of gloating rights. I know she'll have seven clubs since she's
lost two complete beach outfits to me recently when she didn't have her
pre-empt. My hand is
J 6 5
8 5 3 2
7 6
K Q 9 7, and I know that the 6
bidder
will have about AKQ to 8 and at most we might have one club trick. The double
can be heard across the North Sea. As is usually the case, there's a
gallery including Geraint.













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The defence is merciless, they cash two spade winners, two diamond winners and
then two heart winners, ending on the Nymph's right. A small heart comes
back. Now, she can ruff with even the
4, but our Nymph is up for this one.
She ruffs with the
2, gets over-ruffed with the singleton
3 and the table
collapses when I jump onto it shouting "CLUELESS!". The post mortem was
entertaining too:



6
bidder: "I've never made a singleton 3 before on the first round"
Text Book (from the gallery): "Priceless!"
Nymph: Hands over complete make up bag

Text Book (from the gallery): "Priceless!"
Nymph: Hands over complete make up bag
I've booked the whole of the local storage facility for this one.