Sorry that this week's article has been delayed. I have nine excuses for you, one of which is true: I queued up for four hours to get my Nigerian visa, only to find when my turn came that I was actually in the Kenyan High Commission; I caught Japanese Encephalitis when I spent two nights in a paddy field being mawed by pigs; I found a cashew nut that looked a bit like Emile Zola and toured America with it; I pitched an idea to the BBC for a reality TV show based on a group of fans of The Jewel in the Crown called Strictly Charles Dance Fever; I'm a lazy bastard; I got lost at Cambridge University trying to find the Semiotics Department — it wasn't properly sign-posted; I found out that Kris Kristofferson is really a reptilian from the constellation Draco; I had a damn fine cup of coffee at the Double R Diner, with some cherry pie; and I got sued by four ex-wives who discovered that I had secretly won the lottery 15 years ago without telling them. Busy times.

Anyway, to tide you lot over here's something fun and very short from the other day. What do you do with the following hand, both sides vulnerable at pairs, when your left-hand opponent opens 1, showing an opening hand with four or more spades, and it's passed round to you:

Ok, you should probably double first and then cue-bid and then bid no-trumps and scientifically eke your way up to the fairly reasonable slam, but in practice you would be forgiven for just placing the 3NT card on the table. And this is what most people seem to have done (although presumably the opening was a more standard 1!). Sadly, your matchpoints intuition was lacking on this occasion for the full deal was:

As you can see, with both rounded suit Queens pickupable, 13 tricks are available in hearts, but only 12 in no-trumps. A couple of pairs in 3NT got a spade lead and a top score, but most of the time 3NT made +690. The one pair in 4 only made 12 tricks too, for some reason.

The true matchpoints genius, therefore, would have assessed this and quietly passed it out at the one level. 13 tricks later and your +700 beats all the +690s and scores you a near top!

After all, with only a 21 count, you don't really have the strength to protect do you?

Xebon will be back soon with some letters, we have PBOTY voting and some real Poor Bridge of the Weeks, so keep reading!