After a few months of enjoying this website, I can state unequivocally that England's bridge clubs are a haven for poorbridge. Unfortunately, being that I am located on the other side of the pond, I must rely on the internet for my weekly dose. On the internet I recently stumbled across a treasure trove of poorbridge on an internet bridge site where players rate their own skill levels. Often the ability of these players to rate themselves is commensurate with their ability to bid bridge hands — many overbid.

The two gems that follow are brilliant misapplications of useful bids, neither of which had a happy ending. Everyone at the table in the following deals was self-rated as "advanced".

The bidding started off simple enough. As South, after three passes, I opened 1NT with the balanced 16 count. My partner made a Stayman enquiry with a flat minimum and then East, with Axxx and an ugly 11 count with the 1NT opener over him, decides to enter the auction. Double. I can't remember if his red card hit the table before or after my blue one, but I was ready for a bloodbath. 2XX was passed out, though defending the run out to a red suit would have been similarly profitable and more interesting than flipping cards in dummy. But with 3NT a laydown, I was happy with the IMPs that we would receive for 2CXX+2.

The J was led to the King, and a diamond return won in dummy. At this point, partner should finesse the 10 but he got nervous and began to draw trumps, eliminating his entries for the spade finesses. He drew two rounds, finessed the Q and cashed the A before exiting in hearts. The defence got their diamond ruff and cashed the Ace of trumps, before exiting with the Q. Or so they thought. If you've been keeping track, partner can still succeed by ruffing and exiting with a low spade but decided instead to discard a spade on this trick, and the defence was certain of another spade trick. It wasn't pleasant to be -400, when we should be +1560, but that's what I get for being greedy.

The second hand had a lot of promise.

RHO opened a weak 2 and I doubled for takeout fearing 3NT would be an underbid. My partner bid 2NT and I cuebid 3, exploring for a grand slam. Sadly this was passed out. "Brilliant!" I exclaimed. I won't go into the play, but after the deal partner firmly stated that he doesn't play any "brilliant" conventions. Better stated, partner doesn't play any conventions brilliantly. His 2NT response? You guessed it:

The VERY Unusual 2NT