We just never learn, do we. Throughout the first session and a half of the Ranked Masters Pairs Stephen 'Steve' Hurst and I encountered enough poor bridge to keep us busy for months. So why, when the worst offender of the weekend perpetrated this week's hand against us, did we fail to cash in?

Before we get on with the main hand, here's a short illustration of what we were up against:

Steve and I misdefend slightly and only take this for 1400. One thing we wanted to know (the other being why West didn't think Kxx was worth support) was why East made such a terrible 3 bid. "Sorry partner, I didn't see the double", he says. Well, that makes it ok then.

This was a typical example of the many bridge crimes committed in the Regular Masters section (between Unranked and Notional Masters) so we really shouldn't have been so surprised when this hand cropped up:

I'm sitting North and Steve leads the 10. Dummy plays low, as do I, and declarer wins the Jack in hand. Two top clubs follow and Steve indicates he has a doubleton, so I have to plan for three discards. It doesn't seem too hard to count the hand. Declarer is marked with the Q (otherwise partner wouldn't have led the 10), the A (otherwise declarer wouldn't bid 2NT) and the Q. This makes up 9 points which is already a point over his stated range so he can't possibly have any more. Partner must therefore have the QJ. At this point, I'm imagining the hand to be something like the following:

Perhaps partner has a fifth heart and declarer a singleton Ace, or maybe he has QJ tight, I can't tell just yet. Anyway, my three discards on the clubs are as follows: the K, putting partner in the picture there; the 3, because chucking both a high or a low heart could be embarrassing; and the 10, with some vague plan to unblock the diamonds so partner can win them later. Steve throws a couple of spades and the 2. We do play reverse attitude discards but this might be a good time for partner to signal count as my ostentatious heart discard made the position clear there. In my strange little fantasy world, this is where we're at:

At this point I should realise at least one of the following:

1. If this really is the layout of the opposing hands, the field (yes, even that field) will bid and make 3NT, so whatever I do doesn't really matter. Consequently, I should think about a different layout.
2. Partner throwing all his spades away seems fairly irrational. There must be a reason why he's kept his hearts.
3. The endplay that I fear is looming can't materialise anyway so long as I keep my head and unblock the heart honours. It makes no difference if declarer has the 10 either. If I come to this conclusion, it's no great leap to actually count my tricks!

But I'm still in a magical faraway land where the cows dance to harp-music with purple monkeys and opponents bid sensibly and therefore think I'm being clever when declarer plays a diamond to his Ace and I unblock my King, planning to put partner in to cash his diamonds. What a surprise, then, to find the layout was this all along:

Obviously our opponents hadn't agreed the Unusual 2NT in this particular auction! The triumph evaporates to humiliation as declarer runs five diamond tricks. Right to the death I'm still thinking to myself "What an idiot, he's shown 5-8 points and actually has an 11 count!", clutching at my precious original analysis. Declarer doesn't cash the A that I know he must have and I'm thankful it's only 12 tricks, before Steve metaphorically rams that card down my throat and it all clicks into place. All, that is, except my wonder at the world of Poor Bridge.

Despite our best efforts we actually win the Regular Masters Pairs and take home some silverware. On the way home, the hand above enters our conversation again. Our opponent had made a rather dodgy bid, I had been completely bamboozled into following an illogical line of defence but, in the final analysis, whose fault was it really? Whenever a true bridge player asks this question, the mind will always turn to the fool in front of him, and so it transpired here too. If Steve, after noting my K discard, makes the illuminating discard of the A, the defence becomes easy and we hold the contract to 8 tricks, outscoring the people making 10 tricks in a minor suit. Therefore, it's only fair to say that the blame lies 100% with my partner. So what if I misread the position and made a nullo play; if my partner can't do a simple thing like throw away an Ace that I should know he has, I might as well not bother!