We all know about the rubbish clubs in our local neighbourhood. They're the places we visited once or twice when we first moved into the area. The 78% sessions were good for the ego, sure, but we quickly moved on to seek fiercer opposition, to stretch ourselves and to hopefully learn more about the game. But not everybody has this luxury, unfortunately and this week's article is dedicated to the poor souls who live in Southampton, a city with enough clubs to sustain two league divisions on its own, yet where poor bridge is abundant and all-encompassing.

Here is some poor bridge from a while back that sticks in my mind well. It was a Wednesday night at West End and the bridge was up to it's usual standards. I'll show you all four hands, rotated to make declarer South, before exposing the atrocities of the bidding.

None Vuln Dealer N	10 4 6 3 K 10 9 6 3 A K 10 2
8 5 3 Q 9 4 Q 8 4 2 Q 9 5		K Q 7 A 10 8 5 A 5 J 8 7 4
	A J 9 6 2 K J 7 2 J 7 6 3

Partner opened 1 with the North hand, a good 10 count with shape and three 10s. So far so good. East opted to double, again not too bad. I chose to redouble with a 10 count and a penalty holding in both majors. The three jacks weren't a great feature but what the hell. West, holding a balanced hand and her opponents likely to hold the balance of the points, decided 1NT would work out better than trying to find a one level major fit. This was passed back to me and I made the obvious penalty double. Partner removed this to 2, intended as weak, but passing 1NT then removing the penalty double ought to show extra strength in our system. I suspected this was weak as this auction was undiscussed so we didn't have an explicit partnership agreement as to the strength of 2. Still, with probably around 20-22points between us and no fit anywhere I opted for 3NT! After all, if we had just rescued oppo from 1NT* then we probably needed something in return.

West led a spade, low, queen, ace. I looked at setting up the diamonds: J, Q, K, small (!). Now I was puzzled. From the bidding it seemed likely LHO was holding four diamonds as she couldn't bid a major (so unlikely to hold four of either), did bid notrumps and did lead a spade (presumably longest strongest outside diamonds, and already determined to be less than four cards). As she played the Q at trick two her diamonds were unlikely to be AQxx. So had RHO actually ducked from Ax? Nah, surely not — I decided diamonds must be Qxx opposite Axx. Rejecting the (winning) play of a small diamond from dummy I played the 10, taken by the ace. RHO cashed the spade K then continued with the last spade setting up my suit. I guess she must have thought it was her partner's suit — after all her partner had led the suit, though as she had failed to bid 1 it was surely just a case of poor bridge. I rattled off the spades and with one spade to go saw:

	6 9 6 3 A K 10
Q 9 8 4 Q 9 5		A 10 8 J 8 7 4
	2 K J 7 2 6 3

When I cashed the final spade West pitched a diamond — very poor! Good, diamonds were 3-3 after all, I thought to myself. I pitched the heart from dummy then crossed to the A to run the diamonds, very soon finding out to my amazement that diamonds were 4-2! Did I claim 10 tricks at this point? Not one bit of it. I cashed out diamonds and the defence had to find some discards:

	9 6 3 K 10
Q 9 8 Q 9		A 10 J 8 7
	K J 7 2 6

East was "squeezed" on the run of the diamonds. Unable to keep both hearts and clubs guarded she came down to A and J. Her partner was, well, probably squeezed as much as East was shall we say, and came down to both queens. After all, it's an offense to pitch a picture card you know! The K brought down both the remaining club honours and the ten took the final trick.

3NT+2 on a combined 20 count with nothing better than a seven card fit? Now that's not poor! :o)

Then came this similar hand just a few weeks ago, this time at Eastleigh Bridge Club:

Both Vuln Dealer S	9 7 2 K J 9 4 7 5 2 K 5 2
Q 10 6 3 A 6 2 J 9 3 8 6 4		K J 8 4 8 7 5 K 10 8 10 9 3
	A 5 Q 10 3 A Q 6 4 A Q J 7

The auction was basic and natural: 1 — 1 — 2NT — 3NT. The play is a textbook example of many of the basics required for an aspiring young bridge player.

LHO led the 3, the fourth highest from her longest and strongest suit. Task number one is to count your tricks. It looks as though you have three hearts (after removing the ace), four clubs, and one each from spades and diamonds. There is a potential trick in diamonds if prepared to take a risky diamond finesse. One ought to count losers at this stage too. It looks as though the defense will cash three spades when they get in with the heart ace so there won't be any time to take the diamond finesse anyway.

Second task is to play the spades so as to confuse the defender holding A. There's no point holding up so get that ace at the ready. On this hand you're in luck — RHO plays the jack and you smoothly take this with the ace. It is important to be smooth here so as to give LHO the impression you are holding the king.

Now is the time to knock out the A. A small heart to the 9 is allowed to hold. Now that you're on table you could take the diamond finesse. However, it is better to 'force' the opponents to open up a suit for you if at all possible. LHO takes the third round of hearts and has to find a suit to play. Disappointed that her partner doesn't hold the K LHO looks for a suit to attack (rather than set up the long spades while the defence still have an outside entry). When she decides to attack the diamonds, exiting with the 3, you're left with the not difficult play of taking RHO's King with your Ace.

	9 7 K 7 5 K 5 2
Q 10 6 J 9 8 6 4		K 8 4 10 8 10 9 3
	5 Q 6 4 A Q J 7

Next up is a little squeeze play. Text books dictate that classic squeeze play requires both menace cards and, usually, a rectification of the count. We still have 8 menaces in hand (at this club every card is a potential winner), and a recount still reveals 8 cards so the squeeze is on. Let us create a little diversion and harness the power of 9 in dummy.

Cross to K then cash K, pitching the small spade. Now cash out the remaining club winners. Care must be taken to discard diamonds from dummy in order to impress on the opponents that 'spades are a menace and diamonds are safe'. On the final club we have the following scenario:

	9 7 7 5
Q 10 J 9		K 8 10 8
	Q 6 4 J

LHO clearly has to guard spades over your king and so has to pitch a diamond. Likewise East can't afford to bare K for fear of a throw-in for him to play away from his diamond equivalents. Thus the 'one suit double squeeze' allows the final three tricks to be taken with the good diamonds in hand. 3NT+3 and a clear underbid from partner.