Poor Bridge of the Week
Poorbridge.com has gone on hiatus
By pb.com

Hi all,

Isn't it a shame that the producers of Lost didn't decide to quit before their show started to suck big-time? Now, I'm not saying that poorbridge.com will ever ever get to a level of quality as low as that of Lost but you have to admit that we've started to get a little stale over the last few months. Michael doesn't have a computer any more. He punched it when his partner didn't recognise an elementary Fishbein auction. He doesn't look like he's likely to get one anytime soon either and, since he's the one who makes the coffee here at Poorbridge Towers, it's becoming increasingly hard to actually do anything interesting and fun with the site. So we just whack up something on a Friday afternoon after work and hope that nobody notices that we're just a big bunch of has-beens clutching at the last sinews of our fame. Like Britney Spears or ******* ***** (name of a bridge player withheld for reasons of tact, although I so wanted to print it. The guy is a complete tool after all. I've given you the number of letters though.).

Plus Phil's whacked out on coke all the time, Luke is getting sued by Dr Dre for plagiarism, Rob has become a mormon and Steve stole all our money and can now be mostly found in a Mexican brothel telling all the girls how he's this big-shot founder of a hot internet bridge magazine. So there's very little time for the kind of incisive and original content that you all can expect.

We did have a few ideas though to add zest to the site. I know that Michael for one was a massive supporter of killing Steve off. It would have been classy and handled with the kind of care that his years of loyal service have deserved. He even wrote the following script:

Scene One. INT. Poorbridge Towers. 9am.

Rob: So, where's Steve today?
Michael: Died last night. An Octopus ate him on the M40/M25 interchange.
Rob: Bummer. Anyway, last night I held SK J 3 H J 3 D A K 7 6 5 4 C A Q. Partner opened 1NT...

But the network executives didn't like it. They said that Steve polled very well among a certain viewer group, especially since the introduction last year of his new car. We had other ideas too. We pitched this big story arc where Rob becomes an adult film director who works with aging bridge professionals. Debbie does The Dallas Aces would have been his magnum opus. But that got turned down too. It was pretty obvious from then on that the usual measures to revive a flagging series — serial killers, lesbianism and devil worshippers — weren't going to work either. So we instead have decided to take a break.

This won't be forever but we will be down for a few months. We may come back with a new design, new ideas and a new format. Or we may just come back with a new enthusiasm. Either way, we hope that the rest will do us good. In the meantime, don't stop sending in your silly stories and sightings of gerber. We love getting sent stuff and it will all make its way to the site, eventually. Unless it really sucks as bad as Lost.

See you in time for sweeps!