These days Rebecca and I get our weekly bridge fix at the DEVA club in Christleton, near Chester. At this club you can get a friendly, decent standard game almost any night of the week, though as you might imagine, poor bridge is not completely unheard of.

The following hand was played against the ex-president of the club, who seems to have smoked a few too many cigarettes in his time, and communicates in a sort of rasping wheeze. His partner, sitting North, deals and opens 1, which is alerted and described as a pr***(wheeze) club. I recall from previous encounters that they sometimes open a prepared club on balanced 12-14pt hands, and pop in 1.

Unfortunately we have just been working on our defense to a strong club, and Rebecca alerts my 1 as showing 4 spades and at most 2 hearts. The dear old Wheeze on my left puts in 2, and oppo soon land in a dodgy 3NT, despite the fact that 4 has icicles on it.

At this point my pard decides to check if she heard correctly that oppo are playing a precision club. Since they're not, she decides to lead a heart after all. This should mean a quick end to the chances of 3NT, but unfortunately I have become convinced that the contract is 3, and decide not to continue the suit.

I lead a low diamond, and declarer wins his queen. Surely now nothing can stop him from making his contract? But look: He cashes the ace of diamonds, and continues with the jack to my king.

Do I now repent of my ways and lead a heart? No, for dummy still has a "trump". I lead a spade. Declarer cashes his remaining diamonds and sets up the spade suit, conceding a trick to my partner's queen. Gallantly resisting the temptation to cash her king of hearts and set up a ninth trick for declarer, she leads a club round to my king, I return a club to dummy's ace, and we pick up the last club for one off despite making only 1 of our 5 available heart tricks.